1 00:00:40,733 --> 00:00:41,533 Enter. 2 00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:49,067 Squeeze me please, lady. 3 00:00:49,167 --> 00:00:50,733 Yes, what is it? 4 00:00:50,833 --> 00:00:51,900 I'm coming here 5 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,333 for to be learning the English. 6 00:00:53,433 --> 00:00:54,400 You're early. 7 00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:57,567 Oh no, I'm Ali. 8 00:00:57,667 --> 00:00:58,700 I beg your pardon. 9 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,033 My name is Ali, Ali Nadim. 10 00:01:01,133 --> 00:01:03,433 I'm coming here for to be learning the English. 11 00:01:03,533 --> 00:01:04,833 Ah, yes, yes. 12 00:01:04,933 --> 00:01:07,467 You wish to join our new class, English as a foreign language. 13 00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:08,267 Yes please. 14 00:01:08,367 --> 00:01:12,000 And I'm hopping to be unrolled. 15 00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:14,267 Hopping to be unrolled? 16 00:01:14,367 --> 00:01:17,733 Like it say in your silly bus. 17 00:01:17,833 --> 00:01:20,733 You mean hoping to be enrolled. 18 00:01:20,833 --> 00:01:22,033 That is what I said. 19 00:01:22,133 --> 00:01:23,833 Hopping to be unrolled. 20 00:01:23,933 --> 00:01:25,067 Yes. 21 00:01:25,167 --> 00:01:27,367 Well, I'm afraid you cannot be unrolled-- 22 00:01:27,467 --> 00:01:30,133 enrolled until the English teacher arrives. 23 00:01:30,233 --> 00:01:32,400 She should be here in a few minutes. 24 00:01:32,500 --> 00:01:33,700 In the meanwhile, perhaps you would 25 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:35,167 care to wait in the classroom. 26 00:01:35,267 --> 00:01:37,500 Go down the corridor, turn left at bottom 27 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,733 and wait in room five. 28 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:40,667 Understand? 29 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:41,567 No. 30 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,900 Well let's start again. 31 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,467 You go down the corridor. 32 00:01:47,567 --> 00:01:48,667 Down corridor. 33 00:01:48,767 --> 00:01:50,533 Good. Turn left. 34 00:01:50,633 --> 00:01:51,633 Turn left. 35 00:01:51,733 --> 00:01:52,633 Right. 36 00:01:52,733 --> 00:01:56,433 R-- but you are confusing me. 37 00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:58,533 Left or right? 38 00:01:58,633 --> 00:01:59,800 Left! 39 00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:01,033 Look. 40 00:02:01,133 --> 00:02:03,100 You just go down the corridor, turn left 41 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:04,933 and wait in room five. 42 00:02:05,033 --> 00:02:06,167 Room five. 43 00:02:06,267 --> 00:02:08,833 Ah, now I am understanding you. 44 00:02:08,933 --> 00:02:09,933 Room five. 45 00:02:10,033 --> 00:02:10,833 Yes. 46 00:02:10,933 --> 00:02:12,767 Jolly good, thank you. 47 00:02:15,133 --> 00:02:18,900 Oh, dearie me, I'm not going where I am looking. 48 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,167 No, I wasn't looking where I was going. 49 00:02:21,267 --> 00:02:22,833 That makes the two of us. 50 00:02:22,933 --> 00:02:25,900 Excuse me, sorry. 51 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:28,733 Enter. 52 00:02:28,833 --> 00:02:29,633 Mrs. Courtney? 53 00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:30,867 Miss. 54 00:02:30,967 --> 00:02:32,267 Ah, sorry. 55 00:02:32,367 --> 00:02:34,833 I'm your new teacher, Jeremy Brown, BA, Oxam. 56 00:02:34,933 --> 00:02:35,933 You're a man. 57 00:02:36,033 --> 00:02:37,067 Yes. 58 00:02:37,167 --> 00:02:38,667 Well, this is most unsatisfactory. 59 00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:40,067 This won't do at all. 60 00:02:40,167 --> 00:02:41,767 Oh, I assure you, my credentials are impeccable. 61 00:02:41,867 --> 00:02:43,633 Academically, perhaps. 62 00:02:43,733 --> 00:02:45,700 I'm talking about sex. 63 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:49,200 I also assure you my morals are perfectly respectable, too. 64 00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:52,200 I'm referring to the fact that you are a man. 65 00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:54,000 I distinctly requested the local authority 66 00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:56,067 to send me a woman teacher. 67 00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:58,867 Especially in view of what happened with Mr. Warburton. 68 00:02:58,967 --> 00:02:59,767 Mr. Warburton? 69 00:02:59,867 --> 00:03:01,233 Yes. 70 00:03:01,333 --> 00:03:04,000 He was teaching English to foreign students last term. 71 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:06,000 I'm afraid he only lasted a month. 72 00:03:06,100 --> 00:03:07,500 Then he departed. 73 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:08,667 Dead? 74 00:03:08,767 --> 00:03:11,367 Demented. 75 00:03:11,467 --> 00:03:14,200 Yes, the strain was too much for him. 76 00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:17,467 Typical of the male sex, no stamina. 77 00:03:17,567 --> 00:03:19,067 Oh, he seemed to be able to cope at first. 78 00:03:19,167 --> 00:03:21,100 And then one day, he just snapped. 79 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,367 It was really quite disgusting. 80 00:03:22,467 --> 00:03:23,500 Really? 81 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:24,767 What did he do? 82 00:03:24,867 --> 00:03:26,700 Climbed out of the classroom window onto the roof, 83 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,400 took off all his clothes and stood there stark naked, 84 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:33,000 singing "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts." 85 00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:34,267 Very distressing. 86 00:03:34,367 --> 00:03:36,367 Well, there's no need to worry on my account. 87 00:03:36,467 --> 00:03:38,600 I mean, I'm not likely to climb out of the classroom window. 88 00:03:38,700 --> 00:03:39,800 I know you aren't. 89 00:03:39,900 --> 00:03:41,167 Oh, thank How you for your confidence. 90 00:03:41,267 --> 00:03:43,933 It has nothing to do with confidence. 91 00:03:44,033 --> 00:03:47,600 We've had the window frames nailed down. 92 00:03:47,700 --> 00:03:49,033 How very thoughtful. 93 00:03:49,133 --> 00:03:50,867 Well, I really would appreciate the job, Mrs. Courtney. 94 00:03:50,967 --> 00:03:52,000 - Miss. - Miss Courtney. 95 00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:53,533 I am qualified, and I rather do need 96 00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:55,633 a job, what with the economic situation and inflation-- 97 00:03:55,733 --> 00:03:57,900 All right, there's no need to whimper. 98 00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,733 You can start immediately. - Thank you. 99 00:03:59,833 --> 00:04:00,800 On a month's trial. 100 00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:01,733 Thank you. 101 00:04:01,833 --> 00:04:03,533 If you last that long. 102 00:04:03,633 --> 00:04:05,000 I'll do my best. 103 00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:06,667 Where will I find my students? 104 00:04:06,767 --> 00:04:08,800 Class five, down the corridor and turn left. 105 00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:09,933 Right. 106 00:04:10,033 --> 00:04:11,400 I'm looking forward to meeting them. 107 00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:13,067 I'm sure we're all going to get along extremely well. 108 00:04:20,867 --> 00:04:21,667 Good evening. 109 00:04:22,967 --> 00:04:23,767 Good evening. 110 00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:28,667 Quiet please! 111 00:04:29,833 --> 00:04:30,667 Silence! 112 00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:37,300 I'm pleased to meet you all. 113 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:41,367 We are also pleased to be meeting you. 114 00:04:41,467 --> 00:04:42,800 I am Brown. 115 00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:43,700 Oh, no. 116 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:49,733 You are committing a mistake. 117 00:04:49,833 --> 00:04:51,333 A mistake? 118 00:04:51,433 --> 00:04:52,100 Yes, please. 119 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,733 You are not brown. 120 00:04:53,833 --> 00:04:55,033 We are brown. 121 00:04:55,133 --> 00:04:57,433 You are white. 122 00:04:57,533 --> 00:04:58,933 My name is Brown. 123 00:04:59,033 --> 00:05:00,167 I am your teacher. 124 00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:02,000 Ah, you professore. 125 00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:03,000 Yes, well I-- 126 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,600 Quiet, please. 127 00:05:11,900 --> 00:05:12,767 Thank you. 128 00:05:12,867 --> 00:05:13,767 Right. 129 00:05:13,867 --> 00:05:15,833 Would you all like to sit down? 130 00:05:15,933 --> 00:05:17,067 Sit down. 131 00:05:24,067 --> 00:05:26,767 I'll just take a note of all your names, 132 00:05:26,867 --> 00:05:29,067 nationalities and occupations. 133 00:05:36,067 --> 00:05:36,900 Yes? 134 00:05:42,433 --> 00:05:44,200 Well, I haven't the faintest idea what you are saying, 135 00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:47,100 but I'm sure you're not trying to find the needlework class. 136 00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:49,400 It doesn't matter. 137 00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:50,233 Have a seat. 138 00:05:52,867 --> 00:05:53,833 Sit down. 139 00:05:59,833 --> 00:06:01,733 No, not there. 140 00:06:02,833 --> 00:06:03,633 There. 141 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:07,667 Right. 142 00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:10,233 I'll just go around the class and take your names. 143 00:06:10,333 --> 00:06:10,967 Ah, yes. 144 00:06:11,067 --> 00:06:13,067 What is your name? 145 00:06:13,167 --> 00:06:18,500 Maximillian Andrea Archimedes Papandrious. 146 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:21,067 I think I'll just put you down as Max. 147 00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:22,367 I take it you're Greek? 148 00:06:22,467 --> 00:06:23,300 Is right. 149 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:24,533 From Athens. 150 00:06:24,633 --> 00:06:25,467 Good. 151 00:06:25,567 --> 00:06:27,100 And what is your job? 152 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:30,800 I walk with sheeps. 153 00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:33,133 You walk with sheeps? 154 00:06:33,233 --> 00:06:34,033 You're a shepherd? 155 00:06:34,133 --> 00:06:34,967 You work on a farm? 156 00:06:35,067 --> 00:06:36,533 Oh, no, no, not farm. 157 00:06:36,633 --> 00:06:38,033 But you just said you work with sheep. 158 00:06:38,133 --> 00:06:38,967 No, no, no, no. 159 00:06:39,067 --> 00:06:40,033 Sheeps. 160 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,633 Big sheeps. 161 00:06:45,867 --> 00:06:46,700 Ships! 162 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:47,967 Yes, sheeps. 163 00:06:48,067 --> 00:06:49,033 Tonkers. 164 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:52,833 Tonkers? 165 00:06:52,933 --> 00:06:53,733 Tankers! 166 00:06:53,833 --> 00:06:55,000 Right Right. 167 00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:56,933 I work in office. 168 00:06:57,033 --> 00:06:57,833 Thank you. 169 00:06:57,933 --> 00:06:59,033 And your name? 170 00:06:59,133 --> 00:07:02,800 Anna Schmidt, German au pair. 171 00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:04,267 Usual German efficiency? 172 00:07:04,367 --> 00:07:05,967 Germans are always efficient. 173 00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:07,600 Not-- sir. 174 00:07:11,767 --> 00:07:14,167 Japanese much more efficienter. 175 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,633 Nein, Germans are the best. 176 00:07:16,733 --> 00:07:23,467 Japanese make much better television and all cameras. 177 00:07:23,567 --> 00:07:26,767 Please, let us have no racialism. 178 00:07:26,867 --> 00:07:29,833 In this class all are equal. 179 00:07:29,933 --> 00:07:31,167 Your name. 180 00:07:31,267 --> 00:07:33,333 Giovanni Capello. 181 00:07:33,433 --> 00:07:35,633 Italian. 182 00:07:35,733 --> 00:07:36,867 Where do you work? 183 00:07:36,967 --> 00:07:40,067 - I work in. - A waiter? 184 00:07:40,167 --> 00:07:42,033 No, not a waiter, a cuckooda. 185 00:07:45,467 --> 00:07:46,500 Cuckooda? 186 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,867 Si, I cooka da ravioli, I cooka da spaghetti, 187 00:07:48,967 --> 00:07:50,800 cooka da lasagne. 188 00:07:50,900 --> 00:07:54,700 I cooka de everything. 189 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:56,333 A chef. 190 00:07:56,433 --> 00:07:57,233 OK, a chef. 191 00:08:00,300 --> 00:08:01,733 Can I have your name? 192 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:04,567 What is your name? 193 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,400 Me, Jeremy Brown. 194 00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:10,767 You-- 195 00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:21,067 Max, Anna Schmidt, Giovanni Capello, you? 196 00:08:23,900 --> 00:08:38,367 Oh, 197 00:08:38,467 --> 00:08:39,700 Yes, yes, write your name down. 198 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:40,633 Good, good. 199 00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:58,367 It's no good. 200 00:08:58,467 --> 00:09:01,333 I need your name in English. 201 00:09:01,433 --> 00:09:02,333 No Urdu? 202 00:09:02,433 --> 00:09:03,967 No Urdu. 203 00:09:19,233 --> 00:09:21,267 Ah, certificate of registration. 204 00:09:21,367 --> 00:09:23,333 Jamila Ranjha, housewife. 205 00:09:23,433 --> 00:09:25,333 Thank you, good. 206 00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:31,367 And your name? 207 00:09:31,467 --> 00:09:32,567 I am Ali Nadim. 208 00:09:32,667 --> 00:09:34,600 We met before. 209 00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:37,400 I'm working at the moment not anywhere at all. 210 00:09:43,533 --> 00:09:44,567 You're unemployed? 211 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,267 Yes, please. 212 00:09:46,367 --> 00:09:49,133 Only one day I'm working. 213 00:09:49,233 --> 00:09:50,500 What do you do then? 214 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,600 I'm going to you got unemployment extension for 215 00:09:53,700 --> 00:09:55,800 to be collecting my money. 216 00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:57,667 Oh, blimey. 217 00:09:57,767 --> 00:10:02,567 I get more money for not being working than when I am working. 218 00:10:02,667 --> 00:10:05,700 Yes but before you discovered this secret of eternal wealth, 219 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,500 what did you do? 220 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:08,433 Blimey. 221 00:10:08,533 --> 00:10:09,800 I worked. 222 00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,567 At the Taj Mahal. 223 00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:13,067 - In Delhi? - Oh, no. 224 00:10:13,167 --> 00:10:14,000 Pardon me. 225 00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:16,133 Taj Mahal Restaurant. 226 00:10:16,233 --> 00:10:19,967 Jolly good. 227 00:10:20,067 --> 00:10:22,667 A thousand apologies for my lateness. 228 00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:26,367 The omnibus was going backwards. 229 00:10:26,467 --> 00:10:27,400 Are you sure? 230 00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:28,967 There must be a more logical explanation. 231 00:10:29,067 --> 00:10:31,000 It is the absolute truth. 232 00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:35,400 I was told to be taking a number 27 omnibus. 233 00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:36,533 And I complained. 234 00:10:36,633 --> 00:10:39,300 But it went in a backward direction. 235 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,233 No, I think you meant it was going the other way. 236 00:10:41,333 --> 00:10:43,800 That is the gist of what I am saying. 237 00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:45,433 1,000 apologies. 238 00:10:45,533 --> 00:10:46,667 Perhaps you'd like to sit 239 00:10:46,767 --> 00:10:48,033 next to Ali, your countryman. 240 00:10:48,133 --> 00:10:49,500 I can't sit there. 241 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:50,800 It's impossible! 242 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,700 - Why is it impossible? - I am Sikh! 243 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,967 Oh, dear. 244 00:10:56,067 --> 00:10:57,533 I hope it's not contagious. 245 00:10:57,633 --> 00:10:59,467 Perhaps you ought to come back when you're better. 246 00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:02,167 I do not comprehend the gist of your conversation. 247 00:11:02,267 --> 00:11:03,533 You said you were sick. 248 00:11:03,633 --> 00:11:05,133 No, no, no, no. 249 00:11:05,233 --> 00:11:09,433 I am not referring to my physical state of mind. 250 00:11:09,533 --> 00:11:12,067 My religion is Sikh. 251 00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:13,867 And he is Muslim. 252 00:11:13,967 --> 00:11:15,900 Islam is the only true faith. 253 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,633 And Muslim for a false prophet. 254 00:11:17,733 --> 00:11:21,833 How dare you be speaking about God's holy mission, you fool? 255 00:11:21,933 --> 00:11:24,600 Sikhs are unbelievers and infidels. 256 00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:26,800 Sikhs are peace-loving people. 257 00:11:26,900 --> 00:11:28,233 And if you are not careful, I will 258 00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:30,633 have much pleasure in dispatching 259 00:11:30,733 --> 00:11:34,033 you unholy messenger with this! 260 00:11:34,133 --> 00:11:36,733 I will not tolerate any religious intolerance. 261 00:11:36,833 --> 00:11:38,100 Now put that knife away. 262 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:39,200 He called me an infidel. 263 00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:40,633 Well, he didn't mean it, did you? 264 00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:42,567 Most definitely. 265 00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:46,067 I swear by the five rivers of Punjab 266 00:11:46,167 --> 00:11:49,933 to slice your throat from there to there. 267 00:11:50,033 --> 00:11:51,333 Ear to ear. 268 00:11:51,433 --> 00:11:53,800 Here to there or there to here. 269 00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:55,133 I will slice him! 270 00:11:55,233 --> 00:11:57,200 There will be no throat-slicing in my class. 271 00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,500 If you want to do that sort of thing, 272 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,133 you should have joined the sports and pastimes. 273 00:12:01,233 --> 00:12:03,967 Put your knife away and be a good chap and go and sit down. 274 00:12:04,067 --> 00:12:05,533 How do you feel about Roman Catholics? 275 00:12:05,633 --> 00:12:07,667 Oh, I treat them like my brothers. 276 00:12:07,767 --> 00:12:08,933 Good. 277 00:12:09,033 --> 00:12:10,167 Well, you can go and sit next to Giovanni. 278 00:12:10,267 --> 00:12:11,633 Infidel! 279 00:12:11,733 --> 00:12:13,067 Gentlemen, please. 280 00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,700 You are here to learn English not start a holy war. 281 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,967 And what is your name? 282 00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:20,100 Ranjeet Singh. 283 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,733 And you are from which country? 284 00:12:21,833 --> 00:12:23,000 Punjab. 285 00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:24,867 And what is your job? 286 00:12:24,967 --> 00:12:29,067 I am a very important member of the British underground. 287 00:12:29,167 --> 00:12:31,933 Underground what? 288 00:12:32,033 --> 00:12:33,833 Just the underground. 289 00:12:33,933 --> 00:12:37,600 Mind the doors! 290 00:12:37,700 --> 00:12:41,533 Oh, that underground. 291 00:12:41,633 --> 00:12:42,900 And your name? 292 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,733 Taro Nagazumi. 293 00:12:50,533 --> 00:12:52,300 My name card. 294 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,633 Japanese. 295 00:12:53,733 --> 00:12:58,267 Representative of electronics. 296 00:12:58,367 --> 00:13:01,167 Very good, very good. 297 00:13:01,267 --> 00:13:02,200 And finally, your name? 298 00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:05,000 Your name. 299 00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:06,000 What is your name? 300 00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:14,067 Juan Cervantes from Seville, Senor. 301 00:13:14,167 --> 00:13:16,067 No need to ask what nationality you are? 302 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:18,800 Spanish! 303 00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,600 What is your job? 304 00:13:26,467 --> 00:13:30,033 Tree logger. 305 00:13:30,133 --> 00:13:31,100 Tree logger? 306 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,500 What, do you log trees? 307 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:39,133 One gin tonic, two whiskey coca, three lager. 308 00:13:39,233 --> 00:13:40,233 Three lagers. 309 00:13:40,333 --> 00:13:41,000 Si. 310 00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:42,000 Oh, you work in a bar. 311 00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:43,300 Si, si, bar, bar. 312 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:44,667 Are we all right, Mr. brown? 313 00:13:44,767 --> 00:13:46,167 Yes, thank you. 314 00:13:46,267 --> 00:13:48,267 Apart from one attempted murder and a possible race riot, 315 00:13:48,367 --> 00:13:50,267 I seem to be coping reasonably well. 316 00:13:50,367 --> 00:13:51,967 Well, what I really came to inform you about 317 00:13:52,067 --> 00:13:54,367 was the registration fees for the students. 318 00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:55,867 Now it's five pounds per head. 319 00:13:55,967 --> 00:13:57,567 And I should be grateful if you would collect the money 320 00:13:57,667 --> 00:13:59,467 and bring it to my office in your tea break. 321 00:13:59,567 --> 00:14:00,967 Right, I'll do that. 322 00:14:01,067 --> 00:14:03,633 Well, we have one thing to be grateful for anyway. 323 00:14:03,733 --> 00:14:06,467 Sex won't be rearing its ugly little head. 324 00:14:06,567 --> 00:14:07,667 I beg your pardon? 325 00:14:07,767 --> 00:14:09,867 Well, in my experience, it isn't race or religion 326 00:14:09,967 --> 00:14:11,367 that causes the problems. 327 00:14:11,467 --> 00:14:14,067 It's usually the presence of some foreign beauty. 328 00:14:14,167 --> 00:14:17,133 Jealousies, intrigues, all that sort of thing. 329 00:14:17,233 --> 00:14:18,333 Yes, well looking at my class, I 330 00:14:18,433 --> 00:14:19,600 don't think we'll be too bothered 331 00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:20,500 with anything like that. 332 00:14:32,233 --> 00:14:33,900 I come to learn English. 333 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:37,533 Have I come to the right place? 334 00:14:54,833 --> 00:14:56,333 Enter. 335 00:14:56,433 --> 00:14:57,267 Mrs. Courtney-- 336 00:14:57,367 --> 00:14:58,000 Miss. 337 00:14:58,100 --> 00:14:59,233 Miss. 338 00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:00,300 I've just brought the registration fees 339 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,767 for the students. - Ah, good. 340 00:15:01,867 --> 00:15:02,900 Now how many students have you? 341 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,133 Nine. 342 00:15:04,233 --> 00:15:06,333 So there should be 45 pounds in there. 343 00:15:06,433 --> 00:15:08,300 Well, that all depends upon the rate of exchange. 344 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,133 I don't quite follow you. 345 00:15:11,233 --> 00:15:13,333 Not all of them had five pounds in English money. 346 00:15:13,433 --> 00:15:15,233 So I collected 29 pounds 50 in sterling, 347 00:15:15,333 --> 00:15:17,200 and the rest is made up of 2,000 yen, 3,000 348 00:15:17,300 --> 00:15:21,033 lire, 250 pesetas, 75 drachma, 50 349 00:15:21,133 --> 00:15:23,100 francs and 12 Deutsche marks. 350 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:24,533 According to this morning's financial papers, 351 00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:28,267 that should give us a profit of 1 pound 42 and 1/2 p. 352 00:15:28,367 --> 00:15:30,367 Then I suggest you take it to the bank in the morning 353 00:15:30,467 --> 00:15:32,733 and convert it to English currency. 354 00:15:32,833 --> 00:15:34,467 Right, I'll do that. 355 00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:36,800 By the way, how is the femme fatale? 356 00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:38,033 Ah yes, Danielle. 357 00:15:38,133 --> 00:15:39,433 Well at the moment she's in the tea room 358 00:15:39,533 --> 00:15:41,033 with Italy, Spain, and Greece, trying to establish 359 00:15:41,133 --> 00:15:43,200 diplomatic relations. 360 00:15:43,300 --> 00:15:45,300 I hope she's not going to cause any bother. 361 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:46,800 Oh no, I'm sure she won't. 362 00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:48,700 Look, I'm going to sit here. 363 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,067 No, it's me who is going to be sitting here. 364 00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:53,000 Before you were sit over there. 365 00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:55,767 And before you were sit over there. 366 00:15:55,867 --> 00:15:56,933 You take. 367 00:15:57,033 --> 00:15:58,167 Who me? 368 00:15:58,267 --> 00:15:59,367 You go back, sit where you were before. 369 00:15:59,467 --> 00:16:01,967 - No, I sit here. - You not sit here! 370 00:16:02,067 --> 00:16:03,300 Who is going to be stopping me? 371 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:04,200 Me. 372 00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:05,333 Ha! 373 00:16:05,433 --> 00:16:07,067 Ha, yourself. 374 00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:09,000 You think you're tough? 375 00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:11,833 Come outside. 376 00:16:11,933 --> 00:16:14,067 OK. 377 00:16:14,167 --> 00:16:15,467 Where are you going? 378 00:16:15,567 --> 00:16:17,567 We go outside to have the punch down. 379 00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:18,900 You mean the punch up. 380 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,967 I'm going to, how you say, knock his bloody block off. 381 00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:27,100 We see whose bloody blocker is knockered off! 382 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:29,233 Just a minute, what is all this about? 383 00:16:29,333 --> 00:16:30,533 I tell you Mr. White. 384 00:16:30,633 --> 00:16:31,467 Brown. 385 00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:33,033 Excuse me. 386 00:16:33,133 --> 00:16:34,400 It's about where we sit. 387 00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:36,333 And what's wrong with where you were sitting before? 388 00:16:36,433 --> 00:16:38,967 It's my eyes, professore. 389 00:16:39,067 --> 00:16:42,200 I've got to sit nearer the front. 390 00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:44,367 Here. 391 00:16:44,467 --> 00:16:45,600 I see. 392 00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:46,833 And I suppose it's got nothing to do with the fact 393 00:16:46,933 --> 00:16:48,367 that Danielle is sitting here too? 394 00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:49,267 She is? 395 00:16:53,533 --> 00:16:56,100 I never noticed! 396 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:57,067 You see, it's my eyes. 397 00:16:57,167 --> 00:16:59,967 I'm a little short sighted. 398 00:17:00,067 --> 00:17:01,833 And also a much bigger liar. 399 00:17:01,933 --> 00:17:03,233 It's not true, Mr. Green. 400 00:17:03,333 --> 00:17:05,300 The name is Brown. 401 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,767 You see, I'm color blind as well! 402 00:17:10,533 --> 00:17:13,200 And Max, I suppose you've got trouble with your eyes as well, 403 00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:14,133 have you? - Oh, no, no, no. 404 00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:15,867 My eyes are OK. 405 00:17:15,967 --> 00:17:17,600 It's my hears. 406 00:17:17,700 --> 00:17:19,133 I'm not hearing very well. 407 00:17:19,233 --> 00:17:21,867 That's a likely story. 408 00:17:21,967 --> 00:17:23,800 What you say? 409 00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:26,233 I say you both go back and sit where you were sitting before. 410 00:17:26,333 --> 00:17:28,233 Now! - Santa Maria. 411 00:17:33,633 --> 00:17:39,600 I hope you don't think I was, how you say, too forward. 412 00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:44,533 No, no, I'm sure you weren't in any way to blame at all. 413 00:17:44,633 --> 00:17:45,500 Teacher, please. 414 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:50,500 Mr. Brown? 415 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:51,933 Yes. 416 00:17:52,033 --> 00:17:53,767 Please forgive my lateness. 417 00:17:53,867 --> 00:17:55,967 I apologize, but I lost my way. 418 00:17:56,067 --> 00:17:56,900 Not to worry. 419 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,033 What is your name? 420 00:17:58,133 --> 00:18:00,033 Chung Su-Lee. 421 00:18:00,133 --> 00:18:02,167 And where are you from? 422 00:18:02,267 --> 00:18:05,167 Democratic Republic of China. 423 00:18:05,267 --> 00:18:07,467 And what is your job? 424 00:18:07,567 --> 00:18:08,433 Secretary. 425 00:18:08,533 --> 00:18:10,533 Chinese diplomat. 426 00:18:10,633 --> 00:18:11,900 Very nice. 427 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,100 Right, where shall we put you? 428 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:17,100 Taro, how are relations between Japan and China? 429 00:18:22,433 --> 00:18:27,600 Depends on the political viewpoint. 430 00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:32,700 Japan, light wing. 431 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:36,867 China, reft wing. 432 00:18:36,967 --> 00:18:38,233 I see. 433 00:18:38,333 --> 00:18:41,133 Are you light wing or reft wing-- right or left! 434 00:18:41,233 --> 00:18:43,300 I follow teaching of Chairman Mao. 435 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:44,767 Well, in that case, you better sit next 436 00:18:44,867 --> 00:18:45,833 to Jamila, the Indian lady. 437 00:18:45,933 --> 00:18:46,733 All right? 438 00:18:46,833 --> 00:18:47,667 Thank you. 439 00:18:47,767 --> 00:18:49,167 Right. 440 00:18:49,267 --> 00:18:52,300 Now we will start by learning a few basic English verbs. 441 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:56,067 And firstly, we will take the verb to be. 442 00:18:56,167 --> 00:18:57,533 To be, to be. 443 00:18:57,633 --> 00:18:59,400 To be. 444 00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:02,767 I am English. 445 00:19:02,867 --> 00:19:05,067 You are Chinese. 446 00:19:05,167 --> 00:19:07,433 He is Italian. 447 00:19:07,533 --> 00:19:09,767 She is French. 448 00:19:09,867 --> 00:19:13,100 He is barbarian. 449 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:17,067 You are asking for a kick up your big brown backside! 450 00:19:17,167 --> 00:19:19,600 Pay attention, please! 451 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:20,500 I am. 452 00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:22,267 I am. 453 00:19:22,367 --> 00:19:23,433 You are. 454 00:19:23,533 --> 00:19:24,800 You are. 455 00:19:24,900 --> 00:19:26,700 He, she, or it is. 456 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,633 He, she or it or he-- 457 00:19:31,567 --> 00:19:32,400 We are. 458 00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:33,633 We are. 459 00:19:33,733 --> 00:19:37,100 You are. They are. 460 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,933 They are. 461 00:19:40,033 --> 00:19:42,767 I shall now go around the class 462 00:19:42,867 --> 00:19:47,467 and ask you each to give me a sentence using the verb to be. 463 00:19:47,567 --> 00:19:50,600 To Taro, I am. 464 00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:51,533 Ah, so. 465 00:19:56,433 --> 00:20:05,633 I am very happy to be learning English. 466 00:20:05,733 --> 00:20:08,600 Very good, good. 467 00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:09,767 Giovanni. 468 00:20:09,867 --> 00:20:11,900 He is. 469 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,700 He isida fool. 470 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,667 Good, but not isida. 471 00:20:16,767 --> 00:20:18,967 He is a fool. 472 00:20:19,067 --> 00:20:21,467 Yes, he is a fool. 473 00:20:21,567 --> 00:20:23,700 Max, she is. 474 00:20:27,733 --> 00:20:31,433 She is beautiful. 475 00:20:31,533 --> 00:20:34,367 She is wonderful. 476 00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:35,900 She is-- 477 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,900 Yes, yes, thank you Max. 478 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,367 Juan? 479 00:20:40,467 --> 00:20:41,100 It is. 480 00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:48,000 It is. 481 00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:52,700 It is raining. 482 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,600 There you have it. 483 00:20:57,700 --> 00:20:59,600 No, no, it is raining. 484 00:21:05,100 --> 00:21:06,800 We'll skip you for the moment. 485 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,500 Doesn't matter, sit down. 486 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:16,267 Su-Lee, it is. 487 00:21:16,367 --> 00:21:20,800 It is duty of every citizen to overthrow imperial woman. 488 00:21:20,900 --> 00:21:23,767 So say Chairman Mao. 489 00:21:23,867 --> 00:21:25,700 Yes, well that's his opinion. 490 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:26,967 Good. 491 00:21:27,067 --> 00:21:30,733 Danielle, we are. 492 00:21:30,833 --> 00:21:39,867 We are lucky to have such good, handsome teacher. 493 00:21:39,967 --> 00:21:41,400 Quiet, please. 494 00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:42,267 Very true. 495 00:21:42,367 --> 00:21:45,000 I mean, uh, thank you. 496 00:21:45,100 --> 00:21:49,300 Ali, you are. 497 00:21:52,633 --> 00:21:55,067 You are. 498 00:21:55,167 --> 00:21:59,000 You are waiting for me to speak an answer. 499 00:21:59,100 --> 00:22:01,300 Well done. 500 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,633 Unfortunately, I'm not understanding the question. 501 00:22:07,167 --> 00:22:10,867 I want you to give me a sentence using you are. 502 00:22:10,967 --> 00:22:12,200 I am. 503 00:22:12,300 --> 00:22:14,733 No, not I am, you are. 504 00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:16,967 For example, you are from Pakistan. 505 00:22:17,067 --> 00:22:18,667 I am from Pakistan. 506 00:22:18,767 --> 00:22:21,533 Good, yes, But now use you are. 507 00:22:21,633 --> 00:22:26,433 But I cannot say you are from Pakistan because you are not. 508 00:22:26,533 --> 00:22:27,867 Repeat after me. 509 00:22:27,967 --> 00:22:29,567 You are English. 510 00:22:29,667 --> 00:22:32,067 No, no, I am from Pakistan. 511 00:22:32,167 --> 00:22:33,533 What am I? 512 00:22:33,633 --> 00:22:36,067 You are confusing me. 513 00:22:36,167 --> 00:22:39,033 You are stupid poof! 514 00:22:39,133 --> 00:22:41,200 Don't you call me a poof! 515 00:22:41,300 --> 00:22:42,033 Poof. 516 00:22:42,133 --> 00:22:44,033 I will kill you! 517 00:22:47,967 --> 00:22:53,000 Sit down, sit down, please, quiet. 518 00:22:56,333 --> 00:22:57,800 And there's really not much more we 519 00:22:57,900 --> 00:23:01,233 can do until you all get the textbooks 520 00:23:01,333 --> 00:23:02,767 I was telling you about. 521 00:23:02,867 --> 00:23:04,800 But what I would like you to do is some homework, all right? 522 00:23:04,900 --> 00:23:05,867 I want you to write me an essay. 523 00:23:07,300 --> 00:23:10,033 A short story about your life here in England. 524 00:23:10,133 --> 00:23:12,033 Things you do, the things you like-- 525 00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:15,300 I'll see all on Wednesday. 526 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:20,667 Ah, Mrs. Courtney. 527 00:23:20,767 --> 00:23:21,600 Miss. 528 00:23:21,700 --> 00:23:23,133 Miss. 529 00:23:23,233 --> 00:23:24,833 Well, I've just dismissed the class for the night. 530 00:23:24,933 --> 00:23:26,167 I think we've just about covered all there 531 00:23:26,267 --> 00:23:27,333 is to for the first session. 532 00:23:27,433 --> 00:23:28,800 You look a trifle under the weather. 533 00:23:28,900 --> 00:23:30,300 The job getting you down already? 534 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:32,967 No, no, I'm fine, never felt better. 535 00:23:33,067 --> 00:23:34,533 There is just one thing, though. 536 00:23:34,633 --> 00:23:35,767 Yes? 537 00:23:35,867 --> 00:23:37,100 That window you nailed down, the one Mr. Warburton 538 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:38,400 climbed out of? - What about it? 539 00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:40,000 I think we ought to put a few more nails in, 540 00:23:40,100 --> 00:23:41,000 just to be on the safe side.